My First Phone Date with an Agent

What a crazy last few days it has been!  I had the opportunity to speak to a real, living, breathing agent on the phone who LOVED my book!  Her exact words in her email to me were:

"I love this story. I love how original it is. It's really complex and the world building is incredible. Your editing is perfect; you could self-publish this tomorrow and it's ready to go. All of the changes you made have elevated this story and really tightened every storyline and character."

Followed by an offer for us to speak on the phone.  Which we did for almost an hour!  And then ultimately, a pass.  In all fairness, she passed before we spoke on the phone but offered to speak to me anyway because (I assume), she loved the story so much that she wanted to connect with me and offer insight into her pass, as well as encouragement to keep going.  I won't give the name of said agent as I am not sure if I am at liberty to, but she was real and from a legit literary agency.

So what makes an agent pass on a book they really loved?

Because my book is controversial.

For starters, aren't all the good books?

Forgive the cheek there.  It wasn't exactly that my book is controversial, but it does touch on the subjects of date rape, teen pregnancy and abortion.  Now, it is not a contemporary teen "issue" novel.  It is a YA Fantasy/Steampunk novel; however, it does have these elements present.  This agent explained to me that she's had clients in the past with excellent books that she couldn't sell because the Big U.S. Publishing Houses shy away from these subjects.  Therefore, being unsure of her ability to sell my novel, she declined to offer representation.

When we spoke on the phone, she did shed some light on the subject for me.  Naive, young writer that I am, I wondered, "Why can't you offer representation, and even if you don't sell my book, keep me as a client and work with me to sell my next book?"

And she could.  She definitely could and some agencies do.  However, she said its more beneficial to be un-agented, than to be with an agent that cannot sell your book and has been sitting on it for 12-18 months +.  Why?  Because if you ever leave that agent and try to sign with a new one, unless you already have sales or a strong platform in place, all the new agent sees is: POTENTIAL PROBLEM.

They have red flags pop up as they wonder, well, why couldn't she sell her project with her last agent?  Either, the writer is the problem or the project is the problem.  And a busy literary agent wants nothing to do with these potential problems so many of them simply toss the submission in their slush and don't look back.

Wow, eye-opening.  I had no idea.  So, lesson learned and in reality, she is doing me a favor if she really believes she'll have trouble selling the book no matter how much she personally loved it.

But here's my only confusion: isn't controversial popular?  So popular!  Our teens are watching Game of Thrones and Westworld!  They are already dealing with some of these issues and MORE and WORSE than what's discussed in the novel.  And what's more, these issues are touched on, but not the focal point of the novel. So it's a bit difficult for me to accept that it might be declined because of its difficult subject matter if that matter is dealt with respectfully and the story is compelling.  I'd almost think it was a point in the novel's favor if it is a bit controversial, though this certainly wasn't my intent when I wrote it.  I just wrote the story that was inside me.

So, I sit here and waffle about with where to go from here.  I do have two other works in progress that I love and can't wait to go forward with.  If I could get one of those off the ground, magically be offered representation, sell the book and then have the freedom to publish something a bit controversial AFTER I have a fan-base, then this is one possibility.  Possibility number 2 is self-publishing.  

The agent told me I could self-pub tomorrow.  Obviously, it would need one last edit, formatting, cover art, etc etc. before it was ready, but the idea being, the novel is good enough to see the light of day.  I had never considered self-pub an option.  Not because I am intimidated by learning the new technology or being caught up in the "business' side of writing rather than the creative portion, but because I wanted validation.

I craved it!

I wanted to walk into a Chapters and see my book physically on a shelf.  To have someone at the top professional level to see my talent, work with me to improve it and then produce something that I created that people are willing to buy.  What an amazing compliment.  What justification!  That all those years were not wasted, all the writing books, writing courses, first drafts, 23rd drafts... all of it... never mind the "you're a writer?" looks you get from people when asked what your day job is.

All of that worth it when you can say: they picked me!  Out of thousands, they picked me!

Now I am sitting here, asking myself, do I still need that?  Does it matter?  Does it count if you self-pub and somehow go viral?  Or have just enough to comfortably make a living?  At what point, have I achieved "success"?  It's an interesting conundrum and something I don't have the answer to just yet. 

Will keep you all updated if and when I do.  Because that will probably dictate whether or not it'll be followed by a plug for my all new novel available on Kindle!...

Being True to the Story

The title says it all.  And it does seem like an easy thing to do, right?

Wrong.

I am not sure about other writers but I know that for me, this is not an easy task.  Oh sure, sometimes its easy when the story takes a light and airy direction, a direction that won't make people uncomfortable, that doesn't explore difficult themes or social norms.

But wait, that wouldn't be my brain, now would it?

This new project has certainly had its share of challenges:

A plot that doesn't come easily, leaving big gaps and questions.  Especially in terms of time passage.  Oh, but time passage is a pain to have come off smoothly.

A setting/world that incorporates fantasy and history.  This might seem easy and freeing on one hand, and its certainly spectacular when its well-done (think Mists of Avalon or The Chalice and the Blade), but it must be done right.

And lastly, difficult subject matter.

Difficult because there are some strong religious themes.  Difficult because there are some transgressive subjects in the book.

And difficult because most of all, trumping all of those things, is the internal editors screaming bloody murder into my face.

"You can't write that!"  OR

"You should never have put xyz in this book!"  OR

"Do you know how this will offend so-and-so?"

And if you can manage to ignore those voices, the subtler ones are almost worse!

"Is this marketable?"  OR

"Which kind of publishing house will take this?  Is it too _________ for _________?"

Which in turn brings out the instinct to edit.  To edit like your hand is on fire.  To curb your thoughts and words.  To fight the path and direction you feel the story should take in order to make it palatable.  But doing that is so wrong, on so many levels.  What we, as writers, should be asking is:

"Am I being authentic to the story?  Am I doing justice to the story, the issues, the characters?  Am I handling those issues that are considered sensitive with sensitivity?"

And yes, we must be mindful of our demographic.  Some subject matter is not suitable for teenagers or children.  But when writing a book for adults, in a story that is well-written, respectful and yet explores difficult subjects, should we not give ourselves the freedom to write the story as it is?  The hard truths, the painful lessons, the regret and remorse, all the dark, ugly aspects of life as it is?

Good fiction, even if its set in another world and based upon a series of concepts that are all untrue, is about mirroring something of the human condition, something that we can relate to, sympathize with, get stirred up about, disagree with... something that impacts us and makes us feel a certain way because it holds grains of truth.  It relates some aspect of our human experience.

And sometimes, the human experience is dark.  Ugly.  Filled with perpetrators and victims, leaders and followers, sinners and well-meaning fools.  But its that dichotomy of dark beside light that makes us human, and that ultimately makes God's power in our lives so necessary.

That is what I am up against today!  Even in having a fantastic writing day (7.5k words in one day!!), I am having to tell my internal editor to shut up, take a holiday, and let the story come out.  If it needs toning down, polishing up or glossing over, that can all be done by beta readers.

For now, I have to be true to the story.  And pray, pray, pray, that I can keep that authenticity when it comes time to drag out the red pen.

Out of the Ashes & Building a Raft!

Alright so yes, I could go into mounds of detail about how I'm a slacker and should have been posting these last few (6? months).  Personal tragedy has taken me away from my ability to concentrate or do so, however, this has not inhibited the actual writing process.  There's got to be some truth to writing and pain and how they kind of feed off each other.  On this day in particular, I am feeling very "Out of the Ashes", but that is another post.

I wanted to share a success I have had!  And that is the hard work of actually writing.  Believe me when I tell you that us writers could literally spend days making blog posts, reading blog posts, going to workshops, reading articles on our craft, critiquing someone else's craft, etc, and never actually write one damn word of our own.  So, without further adieu:

I currently have 3 major projects on the go.

1) There's my "fun" go-to project when I need a break from thinking real hard.  It's a fun, spunky contemporary fantasy whose characters make me laugh out loud and takes twists and turns when I least expect them.

2) A secondary YA novel that I started working, realised is probably going to be late getting into the post-apocalyptic craze and might be popular several years down the road instead when things inevitably cycle around again like they always do.  In all fairness, its quite a bit different and the concept is catchy so I think I could have some success with it, but my other projects are just taking over.  Which leads to the last and most important project on the go...

3) My "serious" WIP that is a historical fantasy,  38k words in.  And I just completed a synopsis-thus-far on Monday, with a cue card scramble of what's to come.

My morning jigsaw scramble:

 

Trust me when I tell you that this was not an easy task for a linear thinker like myself.  I am very much a "go-in-a-straight-line" kind of person.  So when the suggestion was given, by my creative writing professor from university, to just write each scene down on a card and shuffle them around til it fit, my internal control freak was in agony.  So because I'm a bit of masochist, as all writers must be, and because I literally have banged my head against the wall of this plot for a few weeks now, I gave it a shot.

Now, I won't tell you that everything magically fit into place.  In fact there's still some cards that are missing, and they are certainly not in perfect order, but guess what?

I have a plot!  Or at least, the scope of a plot!  I am making connections between events, seeing transitions, finding ways to get to what I already knew was there but had no idea how to reach.  Kind of like seeing an island in the distance and having no idea how to go about building a raft.  Where do I get wood?  What do I use to hold it all together?  Can it hold up out there?  What if its farther than I thought it was...?

So, all this to say:  I have a pretty general and at the same time concrete idea of where the plot is going now.  

Is it terrifying?  Oh, yes.  Yes it is.  Because once again, its looking HUGE, but that's what edits and rewrites are for.  

Did I mention that when I finally got done with Paper Dreams, I actually ended up cutting 9k words?  And that was just from significant line editing, never mind rewriting scenes and actual book surgery.  9k words of "Oh gee, I use too many adverbs or say the same thing four times".

Anyway, I hope to be posting more frequently and keeping everyone up to date on the process/craft/daily grind/ecstatic joy of writing as a career.  Thanks for checking in with me, delinquent that I am!

A New Chapter... Looking forward and... back...?

Well a new chapter has been opened.  An old one is closing.  Paper Dreams has had a good run.  It has been sent to over 50 agents and has received 7 requests total.  Out of those requests, I've actually received some promising feedback including:

Hi, Eleah--

Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I'm so engaged by the really original premise behind your story. Unfortunately, fantasy really isn't my sub-genre, so, though I try to give it a chance, I rarely end up moving much further into the process with fantasy stories. Furthermore, as I'm not much of a fantasy reader, I do have reservations whether I know the market enough to do real justice to prospective clients. This is a very long way of saying I really liked your excerpt, but I don't see it being a strong fit for me, ultimately. I would encourage you to query other agencies, however, and possibly my colleague _________, who is a fantasy fan. Thank you again and best of luck!

Another agent wouldn't take on the project, but told me:

Hi Eleah,

No worries -- it was more so that the market is tough right now for fantasy and steampunk. Unless it's a crazy stand-out never seen before concept, it's just too difficult in this saturated market.

if you've queried widely with no bites, just keep on writing. Don't give up!

and lastly an agent who actually took the time to go through my book itself!  Who gave me three tips specifically to amp up my writing and also told me:

you have a great attitude by the way,  I like you and your story.

All this to say that, Paper Dreams has had a great run and I've learned a lot from the agents who actually took the time to give me some thoughtful feedback, a task that is not easy in their field given the amount of queries they have to read along with the fact that they have a ton of work to do for their current clients.  I've gained some perspective on the craft of writing, and while, being admittedly disappointed that this isn't the book to launch my "career", I am learning to look at this in a more positive light.  While this might not be my debut novel, it is not as though it won't ever see the light of day.  Who knows?  Maybe the next book will sell and my agent will ask me, "Do you have anything else to pitch to me?"  A Boom!  There goes Paper Dreams.

And even if that doesn't happen and this book never sells, I will have all the valuable experience I gained from it.  The feedback I've received from agents tells me I am on the right track.  That while I may need more practice, or maybe just the right time-place connection, on the overall, I am moving steadily toward publication.

The only difference between professional and amateur writers is that professional ones did not give up. Neither will I.

So now that this chapter is closed, it is time to open a new one.  Time to look forward, and, oddly enough, back.  My new book is a historical fantasy!  I am really excited about the premise because I am returning to a very old story with characters I absolutely adore but finally finding the right home for them this time around, which happens to be 14th century France primarily during the Avignon papacy.  I expect that given the nature of the story and the characters, it will travel around a bit... maybe even to the Holy Land or England, but we'll see where my research takes me.  And because fantasy is always near and dear to my heart, and I believe there is always more going on behind the scenes than our natural eyes can see, there will be a fantasy aspect included.  Which is what I am super excited about.

What a curious and special feeling to be going full circle to a story that began formulating in my mind over 10 years ago...  I just needed enough time to stop hitting my head against a wall and realize there was a way to make all the pieces come together in a whole new way.

So back to the planning, daydreaming, creation stages that are so much fun.  Research will be a whole new portion of this process as I've never undertaken a historical piece before.  Alright, I did once in highschool and I still blush looking back on how anachronistic it was.

Wish me luck as I embark on this new chapter!  More to come.

My Mommy Told Me to NEVER GIVE UP!

So it's one of those days... or yesterday was.  Yesterday I heard back from an agent I'd really, really wanted to rep my book--a no.  Was I ever bummed.  I was in the car driving and thinking:  That's it.  I don't want to do this anymore.  I give up.  Writing is too hard.  It's impossible.  Those people getting book contracts must be bribing agents... or something!

As I was saying "I give up", somewhere in the back of my mind, that irritating, irrational part of myself was saying, "Ha.  No, you don't."

Sample Conversation:

Me: "Uh, yes, I do."
Other Me: "No.  You can't."
Me: "Why not? I can do whatever I want!"
Other Me: "Because even if you put your paper and pen away, your laptop, your writing books and file ideas, you'll wake up in the middle of the night somewhere down the road--3 months, 1 year, 5 years--and you'll need to write down whatever crazy idea jumped into your head."
*Long, Grudging Pause*
Me: "Maybe not..."
Other Me: "Yes... yes you will.  Because you love this.  As hard as it is, as unrewarding, as embarrassing--I mean, who actually says their day job is writer? (ok, and Mom, too--less embarrassing), as painful and as frustrating as it is to write a book, you have to do this."
Me: "Why?"
Other Me: "Because it's what you think about, what you dream about, what you wonder about... because pictures and snippets of words, movies, postcards, jewelry, virtually anything you can see, touch, taste or imagine, wakes up your brain.  Puts an idea there.  Makes you want to explore, elaborate..."
*Another Long, Grudging Pause*
Me: "Well, damn."

And if you're reading this thinking, "She talks to herself?", well, then, maybe that's another sign too.

So moving forward....

After ice cream and much consoling from my hubby, I went to bed and woke up this morning and got...

You guessed it...

Another Rejection!  (From the first agent who requested to see my book).  However, she was really kind.  She said it didn't fit her list, but there were parts of it she loved.  It was a far more personal rejection--which agents do not generally have time to give.

And then less than 2 hours later, when I didn't think I could take any more bad news, I got...

Another Request!  (For a total of 6). 

And from an agent I queried yesterday.  Just yesterday.  It included the first 10 pages of the manuscript which means she had a writing sample of the actual book to start and wanted more, a very good sign.  It means that she was hooked not only by the query but my writing as well.  I think sometimes the query letter is a very misleading tool.  The agent sees the query, wants the book, but something in the pages doesn't fit the tone or the story they were imagining.  Or they're just not grabbed because they can't see the follow-through of the query to the whole novel.  So when they've seen a sample and want more, that's when I get excited.  It means the piece resonated with them. 

At any rate, when I read agent blogs and see that they request maybe maybe 5% of the total queries they receive, I feel pretty good that something is working.  Even if an offer doesn't come, I feel I'm consistently improving as a writer.  So I'll keep doing this, keep working.  Because I love it.  And because my Mommy told me to "NEVER GIVE UP!"

Love at First Sight

The first draft is a nightmare.  It is a complete wreck.  It is riddled with plot holes, inconsistent characters, unnecessary information and a whole lot of other big issues.

But regardless of these things--and I can't speak for all writers--the first draft is also Love At First Sight. 

I don't see the fact that he's going to leave his dirty work socks on the floor, or that I may need to nag him to death to take out the garbage, or that he might chew his food with his mouth open.  Incidentally, only the first one of those traits/habits is exhibited by my own husband.  But Love at First Sight takes none of those things into account.  And in that way, the First Draft is a lot like falling in love.

For me, it is the place of unlimited possibilities.  It is the place where the rush of writing comes to the surface.  If I get stumped on a scene or it's not working out, I sit back and figure out why.  I mull it over until I can think of how to make that scene interesting, or how I can fit the puzzle piece together properly.  But while all of that is going on, there is this wonderful feeling of freedom.

At least with the new book there is.  And, I'm find a few people who are willing/capable of helping me figure out all the "science-y" stuff that I need for it.  To help me fix those plot holes that I am busily covering up with generic terms to get me from Point A to Point B.

Will there be a lot of rewriting?

Heck yes.

Does that bother me?

Not in the least.

I am enjoying the process.  Finding out about the story and the characters.  It is coming along so quickly and nicely that I'm already sitting around 13k words and I only really started the book about 3 weeks ago.  *Checks the creation date*  Ah, I started it July 31.  Nearly 3 weeks.  And it is so much fun. 

I'm sure I'll be singing a different tune come rewrites, but for now, I'll just take the time to admire the way his eyes sparkle, and how resonant his voice is, and how much I like the smell of his cologne.  I'll focus on the dirty socks later.

In Query Limbo... and the Passion in My Bones.

Argh.  I really am awful at this.  Consistency.  Well, at least not where the writing is concerned.  I guess I'd rather produce more novel-wise than blog-wise at any rate, but still!

Okay updates:

I am querying Paper Dreams currently and I have 4 agents who are reading either fulls (2) or partials (2).  One of those agents was speaking with me back and forth over a series of emails rather candidly and making recommendations to improve the book.  She also told me outright that she liked me and my story.  So that was a major "woohoo" moment for me.  I did the suggested revisions she asked for on the first 3 chapters and sent them back to her.  More waiting.  Such is the profession.

One of those fulls was requested a month ago as of Wednesday.  Which means I should hear yay or nay in the next month likely.  It is very difficult to be patient, but the fact that I have so many bites makes me feel very validated.  It is such an amazing feeling to have someone who works in the industry, who makes their living from it, actually take your work seriously.  To request more of it, to speak candidly with you about it.  It feels like I'm doing something right--like I'm on the right path and if I just keep working at it, sometime, sooner or later, something will give.  I will see my name on the spine of a real live (yes, I know they're inanimate objects) book.  Maybe even get to see it on a shelf somewhere or a pretty display stand.

This is part of the reason I shudder at the prospect of self-publishing.  Not because some people haven't been very resourceful and fortunate, doing remarkably well.  Many have.  Not because I'm lazy and would rather the publisher do all the formatting.  No, I do not want to self-pub because something in me tells me that it's like admitting defeat.  That if I self-publish, it is because I couldn't work hard enough or commit long enough to really refining, pushing, stretching, revising and all out improving my book enough to get someone professional in the industry to believe in it.

Sometimes it's difficult because most people do not consider writing (unless maybe journalism?) to be a worthwhile pursuit and certainly not a viable career.  I still have trouble thinking of myself as an "author".  It just sounds so professional and successful.  Writer is that comfortable zone where I can pretend it's something I dabble with, not something I hope to make a career out of.  And maybe it isn't viable--maybe I'll never make enough money off it to live like a person doing a "normal" job could.  But what I will accomplish is a knowledge that I followed the passion in my bones.

At the end of the day, when I've written a scene I like, or I meet a new character in my head that fascinates me, or I find a way to explore a theme near and dear to my heart, I feel a high like no other.  I feel like I'm floating, like I'm bubbling up and spilling over with nothing but good wishes and joy to share with the rest of humanity.  In short, I feel like I'm accomplishing what I was made for, what I was created for--to find a turn of phrase or mirror a portion of life that actually resonates with other souls. I feel like this is what God made me to do.

When I've had a hard day--relationships rocky all around me, or the dinos banging pots and pans and spilling juice all over the floor, or I've just worked myself into exhaustion physically--I turn to my laptop, fire up my current WIP, and let myself daydream.  I let people and places and fantasy speak to me.  The everyday melts away in the face of the fantastical, in the interactive movie that I myself am creating to suit my favorite subjects.  It is a wonderful experience.

The marketing side of it isn't always so glamorous, but it is important, and rather interesting.  I told my husband more than once that if I hadn't fallen so madly in love with him and had 2 beautiful children, I would have whisked myself off to New York city to become an agent or editor.  I love the whole process of books that much.  From the idea, to the draft, to the query, to the agent's pitch, to the physical (and now digital) page of a real, finished book.  All of it is just part of something I love.

In other news, my dinos are becoming quite reliant on getting their naptime/bedtime stories.  I see them picking up books all the time and my heart does flip flops.  I pray that I can still a love of the written word in them, that they'll discover and daydream, learn and question, criticize and wonder all about the thing they'll read on the page.

That is a very worthwhile legacy to pass down to them, if nothing else.

But a part of me still wants to see them curled up on the couch one wintery afternoon, sipping tea, and choosing to read one of my YA novels instead of going to the mall with their friends.  That would feel incredible.