So it's one of those days... or yesterday was. Yesterday I heard back from an agent I'd really, really wanted to rep my book--a no. Was I ever bummed. I was in the car driving and thinking: That's it. I don't want to do this anymore. I give up. Writing is too hard. It's impossible. Those people getting book contracts must be bribing agents... or something!
As I was saying "I give up", somewhere in the back of my mind, that irritating, irrational part of myself was saying, "Ha. No, you don't."
Sample Conversation:
Me: "Uh, yes, I do."
Other Me: "No. You can't."
Me: "Why not? I can do whatever I want!"
Other Me: "Because even if you put your paper and pen away, your laptop, your writing books and file ideas, you'll wake up in the middle of the night somewhere down the road--3 months, 1 year, 5 years--and you'll need to write down whatever crazy idea jumped into your head."
*Long, Grudging Pause*
Me: "Maybe not..."
Other Me: "Yes... yes you will. Because you love this. As hard as it is, as unrewarding, as embarrassing--I mean, who actually says their day job is writer? (ok, and Mom, too--less embarrassing), as painful and as frustrating as it is to write a book, you have to do this."
Me: "Why?"
Other Me: "Because it's what you think about, what you dream about, what you wonder about... because pictures and snippets of words, movies, postcards, jewelry, virtually anything you can see, touch, taste or imagine, wakes up your brain. Puts an idea there. Makes you want to explore, elaborate..."
*Another Long, Grudging Pause*
Me: "Well, damn."
And if you're reading this thinking, "She talks to herself?", well, then, maybe that's another sign too.
So moving forward....
After ice cream and much consoling from my hubby, I went to bed and woke up this morning and got...
You guessed it...
Another Rejection! (From the first agent who requested to see my book). However, she was really kind. She said it didn't fit her list, but there were parts of it she loved. It was a far more personal rejection--which agents do not generally have time to give.
And then less than 2 hours later, when I didn't think I could take any more bad news, I got...
Another Request! (For a total of 6).
And from an agent I queried yesterday. Just yesterday. It included the first 10 pages of the manuscript which means she had a writing sample of the actual book to start and wanted more, a very good sign. It means that she was hooked not only by the query but my writing as well. I think sometimes the query letter is a very misleading tool. The agent sees the query, wants the book, but something in the pages doesn't fit the tone or the story they were imagining. Or they're just not grabbed because they can't see the follow-through of the query to the whole novel. So when they've seen a sample and want more, that's when I get excited. It means the piece resonated with them.
At any rate, when I read agent blogs and see that they request maybe maybe 5% of the total queries they receive, I feel pretty good that something is working. Even if an offer doesn't come, I feel I'm consistently improving as a writer. So I'll keep doing this, keep working. Because I love it. And because my Mommy told me to "NEVER GIVE UP!"
